Feeling Down and Out

I’m feeling kind of down and out today. Not in a happy mood at all.

I had kind of a weird day today. Nothing specific happened. I went to church, came home, did some homework, and that was it.

I just felt kindy iffy today anyways, but that feeling of iffyness what multiplied by the fact that I really wanted chinese food for dinner today and nobody was able to take me to get some. That’s a sign that I need to get my driver’s licence as I could have easily driven myself there if I had it.

9 times out of 10, I’m a completely happy person. But I suppose just like anyone and everyone else, I have by bad days…days that are bad for no good reason.

I’m sitting here on my bed staring at this dialysis machine…wondering why. Why do people have to live like this? Why do I have to live like this until I get a kidney? I look at my bandaged fistula and wonder why. I look at the huge scar on my stomach and wonder why. I look in the mirror at the lupus butterfly rash on my face and wonder why. When I look at the swelling in my knee or the limp in my step…I simply wonder why.

I like being in school because I know that I’ll bring my closer to my goal of actually finishing school. I’m working hard as I currently have the mentality of working hard now so that I don’t have to repeat things later. I like school…but oh man do I hate school lol. I wish I was done now so that I could be hating work instead of school. Heh.

Well, I’ve babbled on long enough. Time to rest a bit before work in the morning.