Never an easy thing

Most of today was spent at a funeral.

The funeral was for my friend’s father. My friend’s father and my father were also good friends, as was several other people in our community. In fact, my friend and I became friends because of the friendship between her parents and my parents.

My friend is only 1 year old than I am, and she has 2 younger brothers, perhaps only a couple of years younger than she is. When we were at the funeral, my friend and her two brothers each took time to speak about their father. It was so difficult to watch. I wiped tears from my eyes, especially when my friend got up to speak. She broke down several times during her speech. I selfishly thought of myself and how I would feel if my own father passed away.

While I may be 27 years old, I still feel like a little girl around my father. He still calls me “Baby”, the way he did since as far back as I can remember. I squeeze him tight as many times as I can…just to show him how much I love him. He is everything to our family…and he also means so much to others as well. The same with my mother. My mother and I are like side kicks…like best friends. I love hanging out with her, shopping with her, etc…just like I did when I was little. I am a little girl in a 27 year old’s body.

The hardest part was when my friend’s father was actually being lowered into the ground. The cries and yells of my friend’s mother were heart shattering. I stood behind my friend and held her in my arms and supported her as I could feel her knees getting weak. It’s almost finalized once that final lowering takes place.

I remember a few months ago I had a dream. It was a disturbing dream that left me in my bed, by myself, sobbing. I too dreamt that my father had passed away. Shockingly, he had passed away the very same way that my friend’s father had passed away – due to heart failure.

I told my father about my terrible dream, barely able to speak the words without breaking down. He told me that it was ok to be upset. He also told me that sometimes when we have dreams and see people doing things in that dream…it isn’t actually that person doing it…it’s someone else. So for example, even though my dream seemed to imply that my father had a heart attack, maybe it was actually someone else.

Another thing my father told me after I told him about my dream really stuck in my head. After much discussion, he said the following: Everyone wants to go to heaven…and yet everyone is afraid to die.

So true.

Life is so precious. You never know what the day will hold when you wake up in the morning. When you wake up, you have no idea that THIS will be the last time I’ll ever brush my teeth. THIS will be the last time I’ll brush my hair. THIS will be the last time I hug and kiss my loved ones.

If there is anybody out there who is reading this and is feuding with a loved one…please…really think about what you’re angry about and if it is really worth it. I live each day this way, which is why I hang out with my parents as much as I can. This is why I hug and kiss and squeeze my parents as much as I can. This is why I text/email/msn my sister, even when she’s only 3 doors away. This is why I text my brother just to say “what’s up.”

Love your loved ones. Don’t “coulda, shoulda woulda” when it’s too late.

<3