Revisiting Dating with a Chronic Illness-Part 2

In my previous post, I discussed a first date that I had with a gentleman I had met online- we went out for drinks.  There have been about 13 days between that date and now.

My main concern was telling him about my health and my struggles.  How do you tell someone that? Will they get spooked? How much information do you share and when..and what?  Well, let me tell you how my experience went.

We had just went out for dinner and the evening/night was still young, so we decided to go back to his house and watch a movie, which we did. After that, we got to talking just about whatever, and he told me about a couple of struggles that he had had in the past. His honesty inspired me to tell him something too.  I decided to start with the kidney transplant, it being the most recent thing that has happened to me.

I explained to him that I had a kidney transplant in March and that my brother was my donor. He asked me how/why my kidneys failed, and I briefly explained to him that I had lupus and what lupus was.  He got quiet for a minute..then said “I don’t know what to say”.

Damn. I guess that’s it for THIS guy.

Then, he did speak.  He said “Actually, I do have something to say. I think your brother is a pretty stand up guy for donating a kidney to you, and I think it’s great that you have such a strong and close family that supports you.  And this doesn’t change anything…”

Those were the words I was looking for-this doesn’t change anything. I was relieved that he wasn’t spooked by my story or by my condition. As days went on, I explained a few other things to him. I was wearing jeans that were rolled up to about mid-calf. He noticed that I had a knee brace on. I explained to him that medication I was taking caused some damage to my knee, so I wear a brace..and I would eventually need surgery for it.  He noted that he doesn’t see me limp or anything, which I thought was great.  I take Tylenol :).

Most recently, I was at his house at around 11:00pm.  After a night trip to the beach, we were both hungry and thought we’d go on the porch and bbq some hamburgers.  While the burgers were on the grill, he asked me why I always wore long sleeved shirts. I froze…why does he have to be so observant?? So I explained to him that I was covering my arm because of my fistula.  I didn’t get into specifics about what a fistula is, nor did I show it to him, but I did briefly explain it.  I did say that I am going to get it assessed for removal/revision in September, which I am.  He asked me if I was sensitive about it..and I said a little bit-mostly because of people looking at it and asking questions all the time.  I’m okay with questions, but I just don’t want it to be the first thing people ask me when they see me. Afterwards, we ate our burgers, had some dessert, then he said that he should drive me home because it was getting late and I should get some sleep as I had to work in the morning.  He drove me home, gave me a hug and a kiss, and that was that.

The next day, I waited for the usual good morning text from him…it never came.  Late in the afternoon, I sent HIM a text.  No response.  I was sad. Perhaps it was too much too soon, I didn’t know. But with he and I being so honest with each other all the time, I thought that he would have been honest with me about how he felt if he didn’t feel comfortable with my situation, or even asked more questions of me, but he didn’t.

The next day, I went to work as usual. On my break, I looked at my phone and saw it flashing. I looked and saw I had two text messages from two different people.  One of them was from him.  It said good morning…and I was happy to see it.  I replied.  He asked if I was at work and I said yes.

Later in the evening, we texted again and I told him about my day. Then, this morning, I got a good morning text which jokingly asked if I was enjoying the weather (it’s raining). Maybe I overreacted..or maybe he just needed some time to think things through..maybe he was just busy…who knows? I haven’t seen him since that day, but his texts still seem ok-only time will tell.

At the end of the day, it was, is, and continues to be a learning experience. We’ve spent so much time together in the past two weeks-on average, every other day. I think he knows and sees the good person that I am…just like I see the good in him too. But, we’ll see.

Part 3 to come…