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Sh*t Medical Professionals/Staff Say to patients..

I don’t know about my readers from around the world..but what I do know is that it’s not just me. Do you ever get asked questions or told things that you just stare blankly at the person talking to you like…what..? Now don’t get it twisted. I love 95% of the medical professionals I come across. But the truth is..I’ve made none of this up. Please don’t send me angry emails, medical professionals.
So..what medications are you on?
It doesn’t matter if you’re seeing 10 doctors in a single day-I promise you that each and every doctor will ask you this question.  Maybe even twice. The reality of it is, my medication list is right in front of you. It’s on the first page of my chart.
So how much pain are you in on a scale of 1 to 10?
I’m sorry..what did you ask me? I couldn’t hear you over my own screams and cries of pain.
So tell me about your history.
Man! My history is quite vast…maybe you can skim through my chart and I’ll fill in any pertinent details if necessary??
So I’m going to tell you what I know about your history.
I know your appointment was scheduled for 9:30am, and now it’s 1:00pm. I apologize. The doctor is running behind.
Do you have insurance?
Why? So you can put me on the more expensive medication that is equally as effective as the less expensive one? Lol
And let us not forget about the magical person who appears out of nowhere when the words “we want to admit you to the hospital” are uttered by the doctor.
Hello, can you sign these forms? Do you have insurance for a Private or Semi-private room?
8am: Here’s your medication!
10am: Here’s your medication!
12:pm: Here’s your medication!
4pm: Here’s your medication!
6pm: Here’s your medication!
8pm: Here’s your medication!
Is it just me, or do you feel like you’re taking meds 20 times a day when you’re in the hospital? I assure you, neither myself or any other human being takes their medication 4 times a day when they can just as easily be taken once in the morning and once at night. I asked my pharmacist.  He said it was ok. (This, of course, doesn’t apply to all your labels and take as directed lol)
Doctor 1: You can go home today! 
Me: Yay! *gets ready to go home*
*30 minutes later*
Doctor 2: Oh, no no no. I don’t know why that doctor told you that you can go home. No you have to stay at least a few more days.
Um, guys..can you all SPEAK to each other and make a collaborative decision and NOT get my hopes up like that??
On the flip side..
Me: *writhing in pain*
Doctor: Ok! So you can go home now!
Um…no, actually.  I cannot. But thank you.
Nurse: *jams iv needle into your hand, blowing your tiny vein 8 ways from sunday*
Nurse: Oh..I’m sorry that happened to you.
Haha I love this one. Not “I’m sorry I blew your vein!” It’s “I’m sorry that happened to you”.  Always remain neutral…and if blame must be vein blew because I flinched.
What “not-so-funny then, but I can look back and laugh at it now” situations have you been in?

3 comments on “Sh*t Medical Professionals/Staff Say to patients..

  1. Anonymous

    I'm a hospital pharmacists and a 32yr SLE patient and can absolutely relate to everything you just said.


  2. This was hilarious. I can totally relate! How is your friend doing now? Was SB transplant successful? I hope so.


  3. Hi Guesse! My friend SB/Sadia is doing great and get kidney is doing great too!! :)))


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