The last couple of months have been packed…in the best possible way. Blogging is actually pretty important to me. I definitely like the ability to look back at the good times..and reflect on the perhaps not so good. But, I’m glad it crossed my mind to write a life update, so here goes.
In May, my mom, dad, sister and I went to Italy! It was an absolutely amazing experience. We got to visit a number of amazing places, including Tuscany, Rome, Florence…It was all simply breathtaking. I feel infinitely blessed to have been able to go on such a trip. The fact that a good friend of my dad owns a house there and we had a place to stay as well as someone to take us around was absolutely phenomenal!
|Florence Italy by Night|
|Mmmmm Pizza from Move On in Florence|
|Gelato in Florence on my Birthday!|
|Mom, Me, and my Sis in Rome|
|Mom, Sis and I in San Grimignano|
I basically can’t wait to go back, This was my absolute favourite vacation ever! When it was time to come home a couple of weeks later, the first of our two connecting flights got cancelled. Now what?? Luckily, my Dad spoke to the people at the airport and they were able to make alternate arrangements for us. We went from Florence to Amsterdam to Detroit to Toronto. Phew! I would have been content leaving the airport after we found out our flight was cancelled. Maybe this was a sign that Florence is supposed to remain IN Florence! But, for the first time in probably my whole life, I was actually looking forward to getting home. Why, you ask?
|Because I had this face waiting in Toronto for me|
And now, here’s me, smiling like the Cheshire Cat with glee.
I’ve blogged through tears way too often.
I’ve felt sad and without hope way too often.
The strange thing is..even though those past situations and occurrences hurt so bad, I think they were necessary. Not only have they taught me that I, at the end of the day, have to honour me and put ME first, but they also taught me that I deserve more; I deserve better.
You know what I thought? I thought that because I have an illness/condition, that I have to…”put up” with things, like perhaps not being treated as well as I should be treated, because I did not have the right to be “picky” about men. I should be so happy/lucky that someone wants to be with me in spite of the fact that I have a tricky and often unpredictable condition. I felt like I was either going to have to put up with that kind of shit, or I was going to need to “date down”. When I say date down, I mean that I would have to date someone that I actually had little in common with and wasn’t really attracted to simply because they wanted or was willing to give me the time of day.
Having learned to talk to others about my feelings and having learned to be open to and accept the (unbiased) suggestions of others, I began to heal. I healed enough to feel like I was ready to “put myself out there” again. I was guarded-very guarded, but I did it.
I went on many first dates. Many of those first dates would also be last dates, but I did go on many dates and met many nice people. But, while dating these nice people, I had to keep in mind that I’m allowed to be a bit picky. I had to keep in mind that people could be nice people and still not “be for me”.
I met one guy in particular-he was great. Our first date was to a local pub for dinner, then out for coffee after dinner. On that first date, he baked me gluten free red velvet cupcakes from scratch. They were quite good, too! We sent text messages back and forth several times a day. We went out a second time, this time for dinner and a movie. He was super nice and I very much enjoyed his company. Pretty cool, huh?
Not quite. Yes, he was a wonderful, kind, and thoughtful individual. But…just not for me. There were certain things about him that I didn’t like. I didn’t like that fact that he was sometimes…negative for no good reason.
“That movie looks terrible. I wouldn’t be caught dead watching that.”
“Only an idiot would watch “
Aside from that…it just didn’t feel right. I knew that he really liked me. When I became distant and pulled away from him, he chased. But I let him go.
Just as I was letting him go, I met another guy. We texted back and forth and spoke on the phone daily for about a week before going on a first date.
The day we were to go on our first date was a day with near blizzard conditions. Undeterred, he picked me up right on time. When he picked me up, he came armed with sour peach candy (I had mentioned that sour peach candies were my favourite type of candy) and had in mind exactly where we were going to go for dinner. Much to my delight, he pulled into the parking lot of a pizza place that I told him was one of my favourites. The fact that he was not only listening, but incorporated these things into our first date was quite impressive if I do say so myself.
We chatted and laughed over pizza, often pausing without words while exchanging shy smiles and giggles.
I like this guy…and this was only after the first date! And what’s more? He lives, literally, without exaggeration, about a 1-2 minute drive from my house!
We went out a few more times and I realized that I really did like this guy, and it was very clear that he liked me too. When this realization began to sink in, I knew that the time for me to tell him a little bit about me and my condition was here.
So I told him.
I told him that I had lupus. I told him about my kidney transplant. He knew about my knee surgery, as the scar on my knee is very apparent. I drew my breath in and let it out slowly.I was scared. I was scared about what he would say or how he would feel about it.
What he said next is something I will never forget.
He told me that he wanted to be there for me no matter what. He told me that he would take care of me.
He told me he wanted to be my rock.
I couldn’t help it. I burst into tears. No one has ever said anything like that to me. They way he looked right into my eyes when he said it…I don’t know how else I can describe it except to say that it was powerful. We sat there for about half an hour, me crying quietly in his arms.
As my tears began to dry, he asked me a few general questions about my condition that I was happy to answer. He asked me if I had any limitations he should know about, or anything that he should or shouldn’t do. The fact that he asked these things because he wanted to make sure that I was well and comfortable…it was just plain thoughtful and amazing.
This all happened at the beginning of February. We have spoken to and/or seen each other every day since then.
He’s always very complimentary. He makes me feel like the prettiest girl he has ever seen. He never makes me feel self-conscious about my scars or my less than perfect body. He’s loving and accepting of all my perceived imperfections…all of my curves and all of my edges. When he looks at me…the way he looks at me..I can tell that he feels just as lucky to have me as I feel lucky to have him. In fact, he tells me this often. I tell him too.
Since our first date, I’ve told him whenever I’m going to a doctor’s appointment, what it’s about, what happened at my appointment, etc. Since then, he’s been nothing but kind, gentle, caring, and attentive. He has been perfect. There is still much to tell and much to learn, but we’re in no rush. I tell him new stuff about me often, and he always impresses me with his amazingly supportive responses.
Is he my knight in shining armour? Is he the guy I’ll end up with forever and ever? Who knows. But what I can say is that it’s absolutely extraordinary to know that there are (still) amazing people like him out there…and I just feel privileged to call him my boyfriend.
Oh yeah, meet Greg, my boyfriend.
It’s a good thing to talk. Talk about stuff.
I go back and forth when it comes to the above statement. Sometimes…I don’t want to talk about stuff, because I know, mid story, it’ll make my cry. At the same time, if I don’t, the tears that need to be “cried” simply remain inside. That’s not good either.
This weekend was one of catching up with friends-good ones.
On Friday evening, it was date night with my close friend and confidant, Mikey. Mikey and I have known each other and immediately connected as friends soon after we met each other back at our first job in a ritzy Italian grocery store. He was 14 and I was 16. Mikey is one of those friends that I can tell absolutely anything and everything. My most embarrassing of stories, even my secret embarrassments..nothing is too embarrassing for me to tell Mike. What I also like about our relationship is the way it has evolved. Back then, we were kids with not a worry in the world. We spent most of our waking moments together, whether it was going to the movies, out to dinner/dessert, or just aimlessly driving through the streets without a destination or a care in the world. Now, we’re adults. We have responsibilities, and oftentimes these responsibilities prevent us from getting together as regularly as we did. In spite of this, what I do know is that things will be exactly as they were when we last saw each other, regardless of how many hours, days, or months have passed.
Anyhow, Mikey came by to pick me up so we could go and do one of the many things we enjoy doing together- grabbing some dessert. I wouldn’t believe the following story if I hadn’t been there-as we drove down the street, did we NOT see the car of the gentleman I was dating and have been whining about these last few posts driving almost right beside us??
“That’s his car!!” I yelled at Michael. He, rightfully so, instantly thought I was crazy. Yes Flo, that car, which looks like a million other cars, just so happens to be HIS car? I didn’t have my glasses on, but I could see some distinct characteristics which lead me to believe that this was, in fact, HIS car. The back of the vehicle was damaged from a previous fender bender. The license plate wasn’t one from my city-it was from another city from another province…just like HIS.
We both got caught at a red light. There was another car between us, but it was clear it was him. I noticed he had a passenger. I’ll admit it-I went mad for a moment and contemplated jumping out of the car, opening the passenger door of his car, dragging the occupant out, and spreading her across the street like jelly on toast. “Relax, it’s a guy” Mikey told me. Even if it wasn’t…I really had no jurisdiction to attack his passenger. But, I won’t lie-the thought went through my mind. Since HIS car was on Mikey/the driver’s side, I turned my head to look out the passenger window in an attempt to not look “obvious”. I say this because as I noticed the vehicle and told Mike, we certainly did…adjust our speed to get a closer look. Very obvious indeed.
Anyhow, we went our separate ways and headed off to enjoy our dessert. What I enjoyed about talking to Mikey is the fact that he gives my advice based on his own experiences. He relayed advice of his own, as well as advice given to him from others when he needed it. I was tired that night, but was sad when the night ended, as I could have stayed there and chatted with Mikey for hours.
Last night, myself and my friend Sadia met up for dinner, dessert, and, of course, debriefing. She also another amazing person to speak to because her experiences and thoughts have been similar to mine, but in a different way than they are with Mikey. See, Sadi and I met in the hospital system, as we both had kidney issues and both eventually received kidney transplants. She knows what it’s like to go through these emotions, especially with the health aspect attached to it. Since meeting, we’ve gone on many adventures throughout the city as well. Again, one of my favourite things to do. Trying new restaurants and just “hanging out” is something I really enjoy doing with Sadi. She’s also someone that I can share my inner most secrets with-and trust me-there are few people I can do that with.
She also gave me some perspective based on her own experiences. In a previous post, I talked about wishing that I was the woman I was a number of years back-I was “tougher”, “stronger”, and “less willing to put up with shit”. There was one factor that I didn’t consider that Sadi brought to my attention: Prednisone.
Prednisone is a medication I’ve spoken about before. It’s an evil drug side-effect wise, but works well to control my lupus symptoms as well as minimize the chances of rejection of my kidney. But, that said, take a look at these side effects:
Being on a medication like this coupled with some of the low lows I’ve been feeling…it could very likely be an issue as well-one that should be explored.
It’s ok to be sad, but it’s also ok to reach out to those you love when you are feeling sad. This is still a concept that I’m struggling with, but I’m getting better.
I may have had one of those the other day.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I wear my emotions on my face-there’s no hiding. Sometimes, when emotions are low, I can fake it. I can smile, I can laugh, and I can make believe. Other times, when I’m REALLY upset about something, my facial expressions as well as my overall attitude changes.
I was at work the other day and was so upset. I’m so upset that I was lied to, hurt…deliberately, and that I’m so upset that I’m so upset.
Nobody is perfect. But, I do feel that some of these relationships that I shed so many tears about, and these relationships that upset me so bad that I can often go an entire day without eating, or an entire day without getting out of bed about…are often not even that great.
When I’m with these guys, they treat me well. They take care of me, they make me laugh. But, is it normal for someone to not text you back? Is it normal for someone to cancel plans on you at the last moment with no real reason? Is it normal for you to care so deeply for someone while they’re out there still searching for something you thought that the both of you already had?
One guy would simply not text or call me back when he said he would. He would often go days without messaging me. Once he went more than a week without messaging. And I took it.
Another guy, I knew he was out there, dating other girls, even though he had committed himself to me. Like…he wanted to do what he wanted to do, but didn’t want me out there meeting other people. Sometimes he would avoid or ignore me for a few hours a day. He would admit it sometimes-he’d say he was just having a bad day, or he was down, or depressed. I’d take it.
What is it about my self worth that I continue to accept bullshit like that? Why am I so afraid to speak up?
Well, someone figured it out for me the other day. I kind of knew…in the back of my head. But the fact that someone ELSE could read me like that caused me to immediately break down into tears.
What is it about me/my self worth that I feel I have to put up with garbage? Well, it’s because I, quite frankly, feel damaged.
I’m a woman with a chronic illness. I thank God for the blessing I received in terms of having received a kidney transplant, but that by no means is a “cure” or anything-it’s a treatment. There have been times that I’ve been admitted to the hospital for days, sometimes weeks. There have been times where I have been so tired that I could barely CRAWL from my bed to my washroom/en suite. Yes, I have a bathroom right in my bedroom that is barely one step away from my bed. Sometimes it’s hard. I’m a woman whose body has been marred by the knives of surgeons, with one major scar being from my kidney transplant, and other scars from my perforated bowel. I feel much better about the latter scar now that it has been revised. But, no amount of plastic surgery/scar revision surgery can “fix”. It can make you feel better about yourself-sure…but it can’t “fix” you.
That said, when I find a guy, a half decent guy, who is willing to give me the time of day after I have told him just a fraction of the things that are “wrong” with me and he doesn’t run in the other direction…I had better hold on for dear life. I feel so “damaged” that I perhaps don’t feel like I have the…”right” to comment about how I’m being treated, or what you did to make me mad/upset. I feel like crying 3 out of 7 days of the week over my wonderful relationship, while not normal, is just what I have to do if I don’t want this guy to leave me.
I’m still..so sad. Rejection kills me, especially since I try SO hard to NOT be rejected, and perhaps it is in that “trying” that is causing these “rejections” in the first place. This last situation in particular really did a number on me. It hurts to be told that you are loved, and let’s get a place together…to have a discussion about your future kids, hell, to even be asked if you were willing to move across the country, as a job opportunity for him came up. Guess what? I thought long and hard about it…and was actually considering it.
I went to a wedding this past weekend, He was supposed to be my date. I can’t tell you how overwhelming…sad I was. There was an empty seat at my table-it was for him. It was so humiliating for me to have RSVP’d as just one, then contact the bride to ask if it was ok to bring a date…then just a few weeks before the wedding, contact the bride AGAIN to tell her to remove my previous RSVP, and that I was coming alone. My two boys at my table, especially Matt, said the nicest things to me as he knew that I was feeling extremely low. Everything he said was just…right. He told me how I had impacted HIS life by helping him “come out of his shell” and be less shy, especially on the dancefloor. He told me what an amazing person I am, and how hot I looked that night. In fact, it got overwhelming and I had to excuse myself to go to the restroom to ball my eyes out-both at his sweetness and at my sadness. In the end, I still had a great night-the venue was beautiful…but I couldn’t help but wonder how much…MORE amazing my night would have been if he was at my side.
What an idiot.
I don’t know what to do in order to try and…attract the right person. I avoided dating for so long-nearly 9 years, because I didn’t feel I was ready to devote myself to someone else. After that period ended and I was all healed from my kidney transplant, I felt ready. I felt comfortable.
Why does it have to be so…hard?
In my previous post, I discussed a first date that I had with a gentleman I had met online- we went out for drinks. There have been about 13 days between that date and now.
My main concern was telling him about my health and my struggles. How do you tell someone that? Will they get spooked? How much information do you share and when..and what? Well, let me tell you how my experience went.
We had just went out for dinner and the evening/night was still young, so we decided to go back to his house and watch a movie, which we did. After that, we got to talking just about whatever, and he told me about a couple of struggles that he had had in the past. His honesty inspired me to tell him something too. I decided to start with the kidney transplant, it being the most recent thing that has happened to me.
I explained to him that I had a kidney transplant in March and that my brother was my donor. He asked me how/why my kidneys failed, and I briefly explained to him that I had lupus and what lupus was. He got quiet for a minute..then said “I don’t know what to say”.
Damn. I guess that’s it for THIS guy.
Then, he did speak. He said “Actually, I do have something to say. I think your brother is a pretty stand up guy for donating a kidney to you, and I think it’s great that you have such a strong and close family that supports you. And this doesn’t change anything…”
Those were the words I was looking for-this doesn’t change anything. I was relieved that he wasn’t spooked by my story or by my condition. As days went on, I explained a few other things to him. I was wearing jeans that were rolled up to about mid-calf. He noticed that I had a knee brace on. I explained to him that medication I was taking caused some damage to my knee, so I wear a brace..and I would eventually need surgery for it. He noted that he doesn’t see me limp or anything, which I thought was great. I take Tylenol :).
Most recently, I was at his house at around 11:00pm. After a night trip to the beach, we were both hungry and thought we’d go on the porch and bbq some hamburgers. While the burgers were on the grill, he asked me why I always wore long sleeved shirts. I froze…why does he have to be so observant?? So I explained to him that I was covering my arm because of my fistula. I didn’t get into specifics about what a fistula is, nor did I show it to him, but I did briefly explain it. I did say that I am going to get it assessed for removal/revision in September, which I am. He asked me if I was sensitive about it..and I said a little bit-mostly because of people looking at it and asking questions all the time. I’m okay with questions, but I just don’t want it to be the first thing people ask me when they see me. Afterwards, we ate our burgers, had some dessert, then he said that he should drive me home because it was getting late and I should get some sleep as I had to work in the morning. He drove me home, gave me a hug and a kiss, and that was that.
The next day, I waited for the usual good morning text from him…it never came. Late in the afternoon, I sent HIM a text. No response. I was sad. Perhaps it was too much too soon, I didn’t know. But with he and I being so honest with each other all the time, I thought that he would have been honest with me about how he felt if he didn’t feel comfortable with my situation, or even asked more questions of me, but he didn’t.
The next day, I went to work as usual. On my break, I looked at my phone and saw it flashing. I looked and saw I had two text messages from two different people. One of them was from him. It said good morning…and I was happy to see it. I replied. He asked if I was at work and I said yes.
Later in the evening, we texted again and I told him about my day. Then, this morning, I got a good morning text which jokingly asked if I was enjoying the weather (it’s raining). Maybe I overreacted..or maybe he just needed some time to think things through..maybe he was just busy…who knows? I haven’t seen him since that day, but his texts still seem ok-only time will tell.
At the end of the day, it was, is, and continues to be a learning experience. We’ve spent so much time together in the past two weeks-on average, every other day. I think he knows and sees the good person that I am…just like I see the good in him too. But, we’ll see.
Part 3 to come…
When I was on dialysis, I wasn’t really confident enough to “put myself out there” and start dating. I’m not sure why, because I know lots of people who do it…but I just couldn’t. Just in recent weeks/months, I’ve gotten back into the swing of things. In the past few days, I’ve went out with two guys. Night and day. One was a punk, who I will not even talk about, and the other, who I met yesterday, was a perfect gentleman.
So yesterday, after spending time texting for a number of days(I met this gentleman online), he asked me if I wanted to meet. I felt a bit apprehensive, as I hadn’t texted with him that long, but I got a good vibe from him. He asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink, so I agreed.
We met and had a few drinks and chatted. He’s funny, a perfect gentleman, and “easy on the eyes”. There were no awkward silences in our conversation which was great. The conversation was so great, that 2 beers and 1 coke later for me and 3 beers later for him, we had realized that we had been on that patio chatting, learning, and laughing for 3 hours. He told me about his old school Italian upbringing and the fact that he’s old fashioned. I noticed that he opened the door for me, asked questions, and paid for drinks.
The days leading up to our meeting via texting was great too. Since giving him my number, he texts me every morning to say good morning and ask how I am, as well as in the late afternoon/evening to see how my day went. Very thoughtful. I at first thought that he was perhaps a bit shy based on his texts, but when I met him, I realized that was not the case. At the end of the night, he drove me home. When we got to my place, he gave me a big hug. I could tell by looking at him that he wanted to kiss me, but he held himself back in keeping with his “gentlemanly-ness”. Haha. He sent me a Good Morning text this morning as well.
He’s a nice guy and I’d like to see him again, but the thoughts of when and how to tell him I have Lupus, I had a kidney transplant, I have a fistula, I have a huge scar on my stomach, I had my hip replaced…bla bla bla. I guess the major ones are Lupus and the kidney transplant, but eventually everything else will have to come out too if we decide to continue hanging out.
I guess I’ll just have to play it by ear. I do feel like it’s important to bring it up at some point soon. Clearly these different issues do not define me, but it’s also not something i’d want to hide…ya know?
I’ll update on the situation of me and him as time progresses, and if that doesn’t work out, my other dating escapades.. lol
Check out my vlog on relationships/dating and chronic illness and tell me what your opinion is on the subject!
I wrote a post a while back about lupus and relationships. The main idea of that post was whether or not love is possible with Lupus. The conclusion – of course!
My feelings on this topic varies. Sometimes I feel like I just want to be 100% ok with me before delving into any relationships. I think that is a fair thing to want. Other days, my opinion changes. With all of the things out there that can cause stress in a relationship….who would willingly commit themselves to a person with such an unpredictable disease? In the end, the more I ask myself that question I realize how many great people there are out there and are not bothered by such things.
Now what about unwanted advances from people who obviously WANT to be in a relationship with you?
I’m a nice person and don’t know if I have it in me to just say “um..no I’m not interested”, especially if this is person is supposed to be a friend. I’m also not wanting to lead anyone on in any sort of way.
It’s especially annoying when people ask you all sorts of personal questions in an attempt to figure you out. These questions include things like asking you what your “boyfriend” would think of that, so that your response can be “teehee, I don’t have a boyfriend!”. I never give them the satisfaction of an actual answer and it doesn’t matter if I do or don’t have a boyfriend at that time. Especially at this time of the year, the questions can also include “oh, so what did you do for valentine’s day?”. HATE THAT.
I supposed I’m going to have to post an update as to the happenings of this particular story in my life. Stay tuned!
Also, i’d like to send a shout out to my girl. She a loyal fan of my blog and she always reads it. So, shout outs to you, NICOLE!! Luv u, girl!
I’m no relationship expert. I’ve done my fair share of dating, but have been in few exclusive relationships.
When I was first diagnosed with Lupus, I used to think to myself “ok…that’s it. I’m destined to be single forever”.
There are so many things out there that cause stress in a relationship. Now imagine throwing a chronic illness into the mix…how is THAT going to work out? I used to think to myself that I had 2 options: I either had to “settle” for someone I wasn’t 100% happy with, or I was going to be alone.
I was diagnosed at 14 years old, so I never had a real relationship prior to diagnosis. When I did date people after that, I never told them of my illness. On the night before a date, I’d pray that I’d be able to walk properly and without pain from my avascular necrosis. I made sure to take my prescribed medication on date days to keep my pain at bay.
I didn’t want people to judge me based on my illness. Sometimes I felt like I was being deceitful in that I’d date people and not tell them right away what I was dealing with. There was one fellow that I had dated on and off for a little while. We met at a club. We weren’t best friends, but we were friendly enough to call each other on the phone just to chat. During one of our conversations, I told him about my illness. The silence that followed was deafening. I felt like such an idiot….why did I even bother telling him? I eventually told him that I had to go because my mother was calling me. I wanted to get out of that situation ASAP and I was sure he did too.
A week had passed and I hadn’t heard from him. It wasn’t uncommon for me to not speak to him after a week, but this week seemed especially painful. It wasn’t because I was head over heels in love with him or anything….but I honestly felt that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me, be it a friendship or something more, because now he knew I had a chronic illness. What guy would want to deal with that?
3 days after that, he sent me a text message. “I’m thinking of you. Let’s grab a coffee. xo”. I sighed a sigh of relief. We went out for coffee and we chatted about a lot of stuff like we usually did. We also talked about my illness. He told me that I could call him if I needed someone to listen.
We lost contact for a while, but reconnected as of last year. And since he came along, I’ve dated other guys too. While I don’t spit out the fact that I have Lupus on the first date, I’m also not afraid to discuss it with the guy I’m dating if our relationship is beginning to get serious. The point is, if everything else between myself and a guy is going well, and I tell him I have Lupus and he leaves me high and dry…..then obviously he wasn’t worth my time anyways! I mean, it’ll still hurt, but if someone who otherwise really digs you runs away when they hear the word Lupus, then there’s no saying what else they’d run away at if I didn’t have an illness.
I haven’t dated much in the last few years. There are a number of reasons for this, one of them being the fact that I have Lupus. The past few years have been the most difficult for me in dealing with my illness. The last thing I wanted to do was get into a relationship and make someone feel obligated to be with me just because I’m ill, and guilty for leaving me because of my illness. It’s inevidable though. As much as I try to stay away from relationships and boys in general, the more they come.
When is the right time to tell your significant other that you’re dealing with an illness? It’s always been a question that has crossed my mind. I’m not in a committed relationship right now, but it’s still important to know. When that time comes that we’re exclusive, do I say “umm….there’s something you should know about me…”? That sounds like what Michael Jackson said to that poor girl in the thriller video!
Honesty is always the BEST policy, but where does that honesty begin? It’s certainly not something I’m going to discuss on the first couple of dates.
So let’s say I meet prince charming, we get engaged, and we set a wedding date. I’ve had so many fears about a wedding. What if I’m too exhausted to stand at my own wedding? What if I can’t wear cute high heeled shoes because my hip/knee hurt? What if all the stress of planning a wedding causes me to have a Lupus flare one week before my wedding? I don’t want to look like stay-puft marshmellow man in my wedding pictures!
What I can say is this. I’ve given the men i’ve dated and the men in my life in general way too little credit. The boys in my life have been great. I used to always think that people would shy away from me, wouldn’t want to hug me, wouldn’t want to kiss me…wouldn’t want to get close to me in general. I can’t say that my early high school days helped. I lost more than my fair share of friendships because of my newly diagnosed illness. But now that I’m older, and the people I hang around with are older, I’ve come to realize that people, in general, are good people. I haven’t been deprived of friendships, hugs, kisses…I don’t feel deprived at all.
Love and Lupus….trust me, when/if the right guy comes along…it DEFINITELY isn’t impossible.