I’m calling this post a mish mash because I’m not even exactly sure what I’m going to talk about!

First of all, let’s talk about the month of October. I’m not gonna lie-this month has been a tough one for me. It has had it’s highs and it has definitely had it’s lows.

One of the lows is the fact that my Godfather passed away. He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease a number of years ago. He was always the one who would do the family’s taxes, and as he became more and more ill, he invited me over to his home to teach me how to take over the taxes for my family. I’m thankful for that, as he taught me things that are not only useful now, but will be very useful and helpful in the future. The funeral was difficult for me. People always say the same thing when they go to funerals an approach the casket- “It doesn’t even look like him/her”. It really didn’t look like him.  I remember many years back when my Godfather had an open house at his place of work and invited my entire family. He was so full of energy and excited to have us all there. Then I think to recent years, as he began to lose that extra “pep in his step” that he always had.  All this ran through my mind as I looked at him at the funeral. I walked out quickly and went to the washroom. I went into a stall and closed the door.  And cried.

My knee has been another source of stress for me. I had no idea that my knee was going to get this bad so suddenly, and I had no idea that surgery would be in the cards for me sooner rather than later. I’ve started to make some great contacts at work, and I’m hoping that another position will be in my future. I’ve been seeing some great positions come up, too. I’m afraid to apply for them now because I don’t know when I’ll be able to have surgery once I actually see my specialist. It could be very soon, it could be a number of weeks-I don’t know.

Other things here and there have been difficult for me this month too.  I can’t count the amount of time I’ve just spent in my room, my face buried in a pillow and wondering…why this…why now…just why. I know that everything will eventually work out the way it’s supposed to work out in the end, but I sometimes just wish that things would work out exactly the way I want them to. But…it never does, does it.

Here’s to what I hope will be a better month, full of good things, including happiness, peace of mind, and progress.


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